How to Communicate Confidently

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Whether you realize it or not, most of what we do in our day-to-day is communication. Whether it’s texts or emails, phone calls or face-to-face conversations, we spend a ton of time talking to other people. With a degree in English I’ve personally spent a lot of time thinking about words, context, and intent. Over the years that has led to me adjusting the way that I communicate so that I can not only get my point across, but also protect my heart and mind from anxiety and stress. I’m learning how to communicate confidently and I’d be honored if you joined me.

We have no choice but to communicate with our friends, family, spouses, and colleagues, so if there are small steps you can take to make that communication more effective and less stressful, why not? Read on for the ways I’ve adjusted to be a happier, clearer communicator.

Stop apologizing

Whew! Starting out with the big guns! Now of course I don’t mean you should never apologize again. A good apology is an extremely valuable thing – more on that later. What I want you to do is to stop apologizing for nonsense. I was in this rut a couple years back – nearly every email and text I sent started with an apology: “Sorry I’m late,” or “Sorry for the delay,” or “Sorry, I missed your call”. There is nothing wrong with apologizing if you have inconvenienced someone. But I think the danger here is that we get into the habit of apologizing without thinking. I was even apologizing to people when I wasn’t late just because they had arrived somewhere before me. What!? Here’s a great image to illustrate what I mean (check out crazyheadcomics for more like this, and see my list of best accounts for new moms, too!):

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A post shared by ⭐️ 𝒎𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒅𝒂 ⭐️ (@crazyheadcomics) on Feb 27, 2019 at 1:07pm PST

When you start to thank people instead of apologize, your mindset changes. Not only are you grateful, but the people you interact with are grateful, too. I integrated this into my work at first. I thanked clients for their patience while I researched properties, instead of apologizing for not answering them immediately. I thanked difficult vendors for wrapping up projects for me instead of apologizing for pushing them to complete their work on time. Can you believe what crazy things this mindset gets you into? In my experience, learning how to communicate confidently has been as much about figuring myself out as anything else.

Apologize Well

I know, I know, I just told you to stop apologizing! Yes, apologizing excessively is useless. However, a true and sincere apology is something that you absolutely need to have in your toolbox. I will admit that I am pretty stubborn. I don’t like apologizing or admitting that I was wrong. My very understanding and patient husband has endured the brunt of this – if I realized that I was wrong or that I had reacted too hastily, I’d try and change the subject or gloss over my actions. Yikes. A good apology does a few things – start with the big one: “I’m sorry.” Then, identify what it is that you did wrong – this is important! Once you’ve done those things, share what you are going to do to fix it. That can be as easy as trying harder next time, or picking up the other person’s favorite treat. This is one place where the thought, the intention, really counts.

Be Decisive

I think so many of us go out of our way to be accommodating. We offer the choice of where to go for dinner, what movie to see, or what time to meet up as a way to be deferential. In reality, it’s often quicker, easier, and nicer to just make the decision! I used to offer my clients so many options in my attempts to satisfy them: meet me here, or here, or there, and whatever time is good for you, early, late, in-between. At the end of the day, all those choices become overwhelming. Instead, make the decision yourself. Then if changes are necessary, that will come about naturally and you’ll save everyone lots of time going back and forth to see what’s best. Plus being a decision-maker is a powerful role and others will see that too.

Let It Go

My final tip on how to communicate confidently is to let it go (my apologies to Elsa). I have had times where I spent hours on an email or rehearsing a conversation in my head before picking up the phone. Preparation is important, but at some point, you just have to click send and let it go. This one is especially important for your mental health. At the end of the day, you do the best you can, write or say what you mean as clearly as possible, and then you have to trust. Fretting for hours before (or after) a message is sent is time wasted. You can’t ever perfectly anticipate another person’s reaction or perception so spending time worrying about it only stresses you out. Send it out, say it, and let it go – you’ll feel all the better for it.

Do you get anxious about getting your point across or not being understood? Is communicating easy for you or is it a hassle? If you are working toward teaching yourself how to communicate confidently, please share any tips or tricks that work for you. And hey, if you’re new here, check out some of my other posts – we’ve got dreamy plants, hype-worthy baby buys and more.